you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
