you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
