am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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