In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
