So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
