when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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