clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
