My girlfriend figured out who you are.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
