They should really pass out barf bags in church
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
