Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
