hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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