That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
