One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
