This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
