Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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