By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
