I need help removing her.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
