yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
