I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
