people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
