I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
