she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
