he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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