Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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