This show inspires me to have sex in space
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
