I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
