capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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