I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
