pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
