Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mom said you looked used
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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