im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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