I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
