I accidentally burped into my bong.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
