I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
