my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
