Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
