tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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