my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
