I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
