i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
