I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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