she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
