Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
