Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
