I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
