I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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