Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
