careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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