I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
