how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
