He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
