omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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