I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
