I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
