There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
