Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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