True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
