Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
