dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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