You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
