I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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