in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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