you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
